Chapter XVI - in which Adeles wishes she could just be staring at the fish tank forever

Right. I like fish. I eat them sometimes, but I still like them. Noelle doesn't care about them, she doesn't get what's the point of having a fish tank next to the piano. She thinks it's stupid. Sometimes I do too. She can be really smart at times. Like this one.

Just before our love got lost you said
I am as constant as a northern star
And I said, constant in the darkness
Where’s that at?
If you want me I’ll be in the bar

I'm listening to Joni Mitchell and feeling awfully blue. Think deep blue here. Think blue wherever you look at. Think skies in a day that's so perfect there's not one single cloud there to mess things up. You get the idea.

Oh I am a lonely painter
I live in a box of paints
I’m frightened by the devil
And I’m drawn to those ones that ain’t afraid

I could watch the two gold fish I have swimming around and worrying about anything else in the whole world but making silly beautiful bubbles forever. It's relaxing. It makes me think things could actually go right sometime. Like there's no other way but to find at least some happiness occasionally. I've always liked bubbles.

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine
Oh and you taste so bitter but you taste so sweet

When I was a child I'd make lots of bubbles in the bathtub. I'd spend hours trying to make the perfect bubble that wouldn't disappear as it touched the floor mat. My mom would knock on the door again and again. Ready yet? I don't think there was another child as clean as I was. I also enjoyed the feeling of rubbing my tiny feet against the cotton of the mat. I was so silly. There. A true moment of contentment.

Cause part of you pours out of me
In these lines from time to time

Are you still here? I get this feeling that nobody cares about stupid lyrics. Anyways, what was I saying? Oh, yes. The sadness. The sad thing is. It's not that my heart is broken. It's not that someone crushed every little piece of hope and love that I'm sure at some point I had inside (God, this is a problem, it's just all so... ridiculous, promise not to laugh at me). It's just that not having anyone is so, I don't know, empty.

I need a bubble bath. I'd put the fish there to swim around my legs.