Chapter XVII, in which Adele reveals a few of her fears

I don't fear death itself. I fear having a slow death. I guess if I was in too much pain while agonizing, I'd wish to die soon. But you never know really, do you? I don't get people who make long term plans. Have you seen When Harry met Sally?

Sally: Amanda mentioned you had a dark side.
Harry: That's what drew her to me.
Sally: Your dark side?
Harry: Sure. Why? Don't you have a dark side? I know, you're probably one of those cheerful people who dot their "i's" with little hearts.
Sally: I have just as much of a dark side as the next person.
Harry: Oh, really? When I buy a new book, I read the last page first. That way, in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends. That, my friend, is a dark side.

I'm kinda like Harry. I don't really read the last page of a new book and I really like to reread some of my favorite books (although each time I get to read it's a totally different experience). I think I tend to hold on to the past. I do reread books, I do watch the same movies over and over till I memorize parts of them, I go to the same places and I order the same dishes -- and when I go to a public restroom I always go to the same stall -- and I'm not very good at making new friends. Or maybe it doesn't mean I hold on the past, I just don't look much into the future. So I'm stuck in the present.

I don't like swimming in the ocean. The ocean is like, you know, big. And dark. It really scares me I can't see under the water and I can't reach the bottom. I like getting at the bottom of things, not only the sea. I'm more of a swimming pool person (or a bathtub person as I said before). I know, it's sad, don't tell me. I like to have my fingers wrinckle after hours in the water.

I find watching sunsets and sunrises oppressive somehow. Oh, yes, they're beautiful. I could watch them a million times and never get tired. But I just have to have my eyes on the horizon and the horizon is, you know, IMMENSE. I guess I'm just not used to immenseness. Like I said, I focus too much on the bottom of my glass of wine.