Chapter XXV, where Adele tells things she wouldn't like anybody to know
I find it odd that people come to me for advice. A person whose favorite color is blue, who likes Cat Power and Portishead and reads Sylvia Plath, and has this emotional attachment to some blanket just because it belonged to someone whom she loved dearly and then died unexpectedly and who really likes rainy days because rain is such a good excuse not to leave the house. Oh, and I hate maps. I love them, but I hate them. No, you don't have to understand what I mean. Not everything I say.
What I find really odd is that people actually listen to me and understand what I say and that I make any sense at all. And that I say things that have this effect on people. They listen to me (which by itself is somewhat weird) and then, suddenly, they reach some sort of inner agreement, like, yes, this is me freaking out and this is me listening to Adele and we both agree on the fact that what she's saying is perfectly reasonable so it must be right.
No. Now listen to me. I try not to think about things. I avoid thinking about those things that I know will bring me some kind of pain. No, I don't do drugs and I don't drink heavily and I sleep no more than 6 or 7 hours. What I do is, I put those thoughts in a drawer in my mind somewhere I can't really reach that easily, kinda like when you hide something you don't want to see, like a present you got from this ex who really fucked up and then you can't find it anymore even though now you can look at it and feel fine again. I plan on getting twenty cats and getting crazy (and let them lick my glasses and dishes and jump onto the table while I'm eating) and wearing clothes that are twice as big as me and talking to myself aloud, random thoughts so nobody ever really cares about me anymore and so I know for sure they have a very good reason not to like me and that I can understand.
Of course I try to stay lucid (yes, exactly like what you try to do when you dream and want to remember it all) and sometimes I can actually do it and then I panic. Then I go under the blue blanket (and there's always Noelle). What I'm trying to say is: I may say these nice things and when I say them I do believe in them, but there are a few occasions where I just feel as lost and clueless as anyone does and then I guess I just need someone to tell me 'well, life sucks, but not all of the time really, and we'll figure it out somehow'.
What I find really odd is that people actually listen to me and understand what I say and that I make any sense at all. And that I say things that have this effect on people. They listen to me (which by itself is somewhat weird) and then, suddenly, they reach some sort of inner agreement, like, yes, this is me freaking out and this is me listening to Adele and we both agree on the fact that what she's saying is perfectly reasonable so it must be right.
No. Now listen to me. I try not to think about things. I avoid thinking about those things that I know will bring me some kind of pain. No, I don't do drugs and I don't drink heavily and I sleep no more than 6 or 7 hours. What I do is, I put those thoughts in a drawer in my mind somewhere I can't really reach that easily, kinda like when you hide something you don't want to see, like a present you got from this ex who really fucked up and then you can't find it anymore even though now you can look at it and feel fine again. I plan on getting twenty cats and getting crazy (and let them lick my glasses and dishes and jump onto the table while I'm eating) and wearing clothes that are twice as big as me and talking to myself aloud, random thoughts so nobody ever really cares about me anymore and so I know for sure they have a very good reason not to like me and that I can understand.
Of course I try to stay lucid (yes, exactly like what you try to do when you dream and want to remember it all) and sometimes I can actually do it and then I panic. Then I go under the blue blanket (and there's always Noelle). What I'm trying to say is: I may say these nice things and when I say them I do believe in them, but there are a few occasions where I just feel as lost and clueless as anyone does and then I guess I just need someone to tell me 'well, life sucks, but not all of the time really, and we'll figure it out somehow'.
posted by Adele at 11:29 AM
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