Chapter XVIII, in which Adele thinks her double's a nut case

Yep. Pretty much. Boy, if only I could have control over her thoughts (or at least some of them) and I could stop her from doing certain things. So, yes, she got dumped by the X. Crying night and day, loss of weigh, swearing and damning his forthcoming generations and the bitch he fell in love with, the whole "I got dumped" deal. It was autumn then. It's spring now, right? So, basically, we're talking about 3 whole seasons. Not really. It was almost turning winter, so, ok, 2 seasons and a piece of another one.

I should've stopped her. I should. But I didn't. It's not really my fault, you know? I have too much to worry about being me, to much to feel guilty about when it comes to my "not quite existence", I don't want to feel like I'm responsible for her now. I couldn't stop her. She calls the shots around here, you know? Having the body and all, it gives her a lot of power over me. So it's clear now she's not in love with the ex and she now can look back and see that things with him wouldn't work out really. Too little in common, too much to deal with. This all was quite liberating. She needed that. So, just don't. Don't feel sorry for her, she's passed that stage now where she'd call all her friends and tell them I feel like shit, please come over and hold me and let me use your T-shirt sleeve to blow my nose on. She's fine, she's ok.

It's just. It seems unfair to her. I told her - it has nothing to do with being fair. It's just how life is and the sooner you accept shit happens all the time the better. You take some pretty good things out of life too. Like. Possibilities. Having new possibilities and choices ahead is as nice as it gets

Be like the river that flows
silently into the night.
Do not fear the dark of night.
Reflect any stars that are there in the sky.
And if the sky is dark with clouds,
since clouds are water just like the river,
without regret, reflect them too
in the deep calm waters.

The river - Manuel Bandeira

I wish I had a river.